Ditch the digital dummy!
We have all been there. You are having dinner with the in-laws in a busy restaurant and suddenly all hell breaks loose when your toddler wants more tomato sauce.
The temper tantrum that erupts is embarrassing and difficult to manage in public.
He is over-stimulated and exhausted, and you are desperate. The easiest thing to do is to pull out the iPad and let him play a game. This way you negate the screaming and distract him from the ‘tomato sauce war’ he wants to wage.
But hold on, is giving a child an iPad as a distraction measure a good long-term strategy for development? And will a child who is soothed by the digital dummy develop emotional coping measures to serve them throughout life?
In our January blog, we decided to explore this topic in more depth and to bring you valuable answers.
THE IMPACT OF USING SCREENS TO PACIFY:
A new study by the University of Michigan found that the repeated use of screens to pacify toddlers between the ages of 3-5 years old has the potential to backfire. More than 400 parents and children were studied over the course of 6 months, with surprising results.
There was an association found between children who are handed screens as a calming tool when upset and their ability to regulate their emotions in triggering situations later on.
Boys who naturally display traits of hyperactivity, rowdiness and high energy levels were especially affected when handed screens to calm them down.
The research suggests that children who are pacified via screens become emotionally more volatile over time.
The study recommended that paediatricians and health care workers suggest other calming tools to parents of toddlers.
LEARNING TO SELF SOOTH
In the same way a toddler must relinquish his/her dummy to learn how to manage difficult emotions themselves, a pre-schooler needs the opportunity to learn self-regulation when it comes to feelings of disappointment.
Experiencing negative emotions like frustration, anger and sadness and learning coping skills to overcome these feelings builds residence in children and sets them up for life.
According to Dr. John Gottman in his book The Heart of Parenting: “Too often, children’s emotions are dismissed – whether intentionally or not – and this can have a harmful effect on a child’s self-esteem.” He goes on to say that parents should take on the role of an ‘emotion coach’ to help their children manage difficult feelings and eventually learn how to self-regulate.
Dr. John Roth echoes this way of thinking, by adding that through successfully regulating the distress a child feels, parents instil confidence in their child’s own ability.
Handing children screens to sooth them when negative emotions crop up, takes away their opportunity to learn healthy, long serving coping mechanisms.
REPLACING THE DIGITAL DUMMY
If you have fallen into the habit of soothing your toddler using devices, please do not despair. There are plenty alternative measures you can take to assist your child in coping with negative emotions.
We highlighted a few below to help you on your quest to vanquish the digital dummy:
- Name the emotion:Developing emotional vocabulary from an early age allows a child to freely name and express his/ her negative emotion. Recognising and naming emotions is the first step to emotional regulation later in life.
Recognising emotions in others also adds to adds to the word bank that can be drawn from. Using media to develop emotional intelligence is a fun and easy way to learn. For example, say to your toddler: “Chase in Paw Patrol was crying, how did he feel?”
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Calm by counting: Counting to 10 of taking 5 deep breathes can help to come down from strong emotions.
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Coach better behaviour: Our workshops are designed to keep a child’s attention with interactive games and fun analogies.
- Suggest solutions: Suggest various ideas to solve the issue – for example, “You could ask Sarah if you can have a turn next?”
- Teach mindfulness: In South Africa we have many service providers that assist children in practising mindfulness. Mindfulness instils emotional intelligence and helps children to build long-term resilience. According to Blissful kids: Holistic living: “Mindfulness involves acceptance, meaning that we pay attention to our thoughts and feelings without judging them.”
WAIT IT OUT
These strategies might not always be effective at the height of the melt down and sometimes it is worth waiting the tantrum out. Fussing and crying is a natural part of childhood. Staying calm, yourself and patiently allowing your child the space to experience the ‘feels’ is, in itself, a good teaching tool.
Try your best not to reach for a device as a default solution. If you succeed, your pre-schooler will have had the opportunities to learn healthy coping skills that will assist them to bounce back from disappointments as they navigate their way through life.
