The best connection happens without WiFi

May has been a busy month at Screen Smarts. By the third week of May I had spoken to 740 individual pupils and 156 parents. Something that keeps cropping up in all my conversations is the theme of connection and the loss thereof.

• Grade 4’s shared stories of cousins who got phones and stopped playing soccer with them on weekend visits.
• Many children complained about siblings who play Fortnite every afternoon and have forgotten about the real forts they use to build.
• Teachers complain because they have to be available 27/4 to class parents who send messages after hours and expect immediate responses.

A Grade 6 with a heavy heart said that when she goes on a coffee date with her mom, her mom plays Candy Crush on her phone throughout.

Warning Signals

In the book, The Big Disconnect, Dr. Catharine Steiner illustrates children feel as though they must compete with devices to get their parents’ attention. This has certainly been my experience this month as children of all ages have imparted tales of busy, connected parents who are unable to give them their time.

I also see parents tearing up when we cover the subject of family connection during my Screen Smarts for Parents workshop. These signals are hard to ignore.

Disconnecting & Reconnecting

An enthusiastic teacher came to speak to me after a parent workshop the other night. He told me a beautiful story:

“Every year we take the Grade 10’s on a 5-day hike. Through the mountains, self-supported and get this: zero devices. Every year day 1 is shadowed by a solemn, brooding atmosphere that hangs over the group like a dark cloud. The disconnect is too extreme. Cold turkey hurts.

Day two is similar, dikbek, moody teenagers. By day 3, beams of light penetrate the cloud. Chatter starts up between the unlikeliest of friends. By that evening when their legs are stiff and campfires are lit, something magical happens. The shadow lifts and the teenagers start commiserating and reliving the highs and lows of the journey. By day 5 they are different people. Connected, present and happy despite their exhaustion. The best antidote to screen time is time spent in nature.”

Although I am probably the biggest hypocrite of all (spending 5 hours a day on a screen, asking people to get off their screens), I do know we need to start disconnecting for the sake of our relationships.

How do we disconnect in an always on, always connected world?

• Create phone-free zones in our home. When no-one is allowed to use their phones in the kitchen it opens the floor for open dialogue, and we connect.
• Practice mindfulness-teach your kids to taste, smell, feel, hear, and rewire their senses. Screens are proven to numb the senses and relearning to take in our surroundings is imperative.
• Spend time outside-time spent in nature without phones or distractions is the perfect antidote to screen time. Take your children outside and appreciate the small things.
• Eat dinner as a family– don’t invite technology to your dinner table. Spend time as a family touching base on the days’ highs and lows.
• Read– I love this cartoon that explains it so simply.

• Minimize distractions– gone is the 8am-5pm workday. Employees are expected to be available 24/7. Yet, as parents, we owe it to our children to disconnect from our work lives from time-to-time and give them our full attention.

If your child is 8 years old, you only have 10 summers left with them in the home. Don’t spend those summers looking down.