The “P” word
Pornography is nothing new. In our days it came in the form of the Scope magazine with stars in strategic places or the dirty video tape in the back of a buddy’s, dad’s cupboard.
Yet a 2022 study from the University of South Africa’s Youth Research Centre headed up by Dr.Antoinette Basson yielded hair-raising statistics:
- The median age for pornography exposure is now 10 years of age.
- 55% of South African children watch pornography occasionally with 10% watching it every day.
I teamed up with Christy Herselman from The Chat to break open this taboo subject.
Watch our discussion in full here:
7 PORNOGRAPHY MYTHS DEBUNKED:
MYTH #1: CHILDREN ARE CURIOUS AND SEARCH FOR PORNOGRAPHY ONLINE
Yes, children are curious, and some will seek out pornography during their childhood. But in the past children had to seek out pornography whereas today, it is impossible to avoid.
“It is everywhere,” says Christy Herselman,
“It’s embedded in TikTok videos, links are sent to them in DM’s to OnlyFans pages, Twitter is full of it- a third of Twitter is porn and there is even a porn game within Roblox.”
Pornhub has 140 million views a day. Compare this to the 15 million subscribers that Playboy had back in its heyday and one starts to understand the sheer volume of pornography our children might stumble upon accidentally.
MYTH #2: WHAT MY CHILDREN MIGHT SEE IS SIMILAR TO WHAT I SAW
Today’s pornography is not the ‘stars-on-breasts variety’ of the past. For the pornography industry to succeed it must remain stimulating. However, when you are constantly exposed to pornography, the dopamine fix in the reward system of your brain delivered by the ‘vanilla’ kind wears thin with time.
One’s reward system requires more extreme content to secrete the same amount of dopamine and deliver the ‘high.’ This has caused a ‘porn arms race’ as Christy points out, a race to produce ever more extreme content.
“Just when you think you’ve seen the most awful, disgusting, unthinkable, criminal content, the industry produces something even more perverse.”
MYTH #3: PORNOGRAPHY IS ONLY A CONCERN IF YOU HAVE SONS
Pornhub releases statistics yearly. On Pornhub there was a proportional growth of +1% female viewers in the year 2023, bringing the total proportion of female visitors worldwide to 36%.
Grammy award winning, singer & songwriter Billie Eilish recently reported that she started watching porn at age 11 and that it had a devastating impact on her mental health as an adolescent.
She openly shared that the violent pornography she was exposed to gave her nightmares. She also gave consent to violent acts in her intimate relationships, because being submissive had been modelled to her in the pornography she watched.
MYTH #4: IF I TALK WITH MY CHILD ABOUT PORNOGRAPHY, I ROB THEM OF THEIR INNOCENCE
Christy and I agreed that a child’s first encounter with sex as a construct should be a narrative of loving, consensual, beautiful connection and should be explained by a parent to their child.
It is commonly understood that a child’s initial exposure to a subject becomes their grid on which they base their understanding of the topic. This is why Christy believes you should:
“Get in with the good version before they are exposed to the bad version.”
If the median age for receiving a smart phone in South Africa is 10 years of age, at what age should we be having conversations around pornography?
“Best case scenario is this: they learn about sex before they learn about porn. And the best age to talk to children about sexual intercourse is 7-9 years old. This is when they are cognitively ready to understand,”
explains Christy.
Christy cautions that this conversation should be graded and age-appropriate.
Luckily there are useful tools to make talking about the birds, bees and pornography easier. Scroll down to our list of resources to assist you with open discussions in your home.
MYTH #5 WATCHING PORNOGRAPHY CANNOT HARM MY CHILD
Not only is pornography addictive, but the emotional damage caused by exposure to explicit material is long lasting reports Colleen Bryant author of the research paper: Adolescence, pornography and harm.
Pornography creates unrealistic expectations in adolescents of how they should perform during sex and what their bodies should look like. It’s also messes with gender identity.
Can pornography exposure impact behaviour?
In South Africa, UNISA found that pornography exposure is linked to risky sexual behaviour in adolescence and undermines healthy sexuality.
Additionally, consent is not modelled in pornography and in the monkey-see-monkey-do world of a minor this has major implications on future relationships.
Billie Eilish’s experience mirrors these findings:
“The first few times I, you know, had sex, I was not saying no to things that were not good. It was because I thought that’s what I was supposed to be attracted to.”
Pornography does not just impact minors on an emotive & behaviour level, but they are physically compromised in the long term as well.
According to Protect Young Eyes an organisation dedicated to preserving childhood through monitoring online behaviour, pornography ruins future relationships due to Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction (PIED).
To these young men, a real life, sexual encounter is no match for regular exposure to high-definition pornography on multiple
MYTH# 6: IN PORN THE “NORMAL” RULES APPLY
Christy points out that pornography companies get away with racism, violence and dehumanising depictions that would not be tolerated in any other industry.
Immoral behaviour is not just allowed, it is embraced.
“There is even a move to change the word paedophile to ‘minor attracted person’ within the pornography industry, as though it is a lifestyle choice,”
elaborates Christy.
The horror does not end here. UNISA states that many of the children interviewed reported watching the most violent content available. Genres include violent pornography, child pornography and incest.
MYTH #7: WHAT HAPPENS BEHIND CLOSED DOORS STAY BEHIND CLOSED DOORS
Dr. Antoinette Basson’s study points out that there is a direct link between pornography consumption in South African children and peer-on-peer sexual abuse.
In 40% of child abuse cases in South Africa the perpetrators are children themselves.
There is a simple explanation for this. Children who are exposed to pornography often want to try what they have seen. Children who use screens for extended periods of time without filtering software or parental monitoring are more likely to be exposed to pornography.
Christy states that hyper sexualisation in music videos, TikTok feeds and via online games awaken curiosity in children prematurely and these children want to experiment with what is modelled to them.
WHAT CAN YOU DO AT HOME?
What can you do at home?
Although most of us understand the importance of having open discussions around pornography in our homes-we do not always know how to have these discussions in a constructive, age-appropriate way.
We at Screen Smarts have developed 3 videos to assist you:
FURTHER READING:
- Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today’s Young Kids
- Pornography:talking with children 9-11 years
- KeepingSafe on the Web with ‘Kyle the Kingfish’
- The Chat: Birds,Bees and Destinies by Christy Herselman
FURTHER WATCHING:
GET TO KNOW CHRISTY HERSELMAN:
Christy is speaker, researcher, teacher, author, wife and mother. She has been married for 20 years and has a background in journalism and education. She and her husband, Brad live in Umdloti, South Africa.. They have three children: Emily (16) and Blake and Ryan (twins, 14).
Almost 10 years ago, Christy founded a movement called The Chat. The heart of THE CHAT is to empower parents, organizations and communities to confidently dialogue around big topics like sexuality, gender, digital health and social media in a natural, open manner which creates safe spaces for on-going conversations.
Her passion is to help cultivate deep connections, facilitate healthy dialogue and help raise a generation who are secure in who they are and where they are going.
